Forward-Cut-4497 I (22F) and my fiance (26 M) had our wedding date set for October of next year. We announced it 3 months ago at a family barbecue, and everyone seemed excited. We’ve been engaged for a little over a year now, and we wanted to announce the date before we even sent out invitations so everyone could plan for it. Our initial plan to pay for the wedding went as followed: we save $500 each month for a year. We are getting married at the small-town family church, so $6,000 is plenty to cover what we need. A week after the announcement my parents (brides parents) gave a very generous $2,000 donation to the wedding. My parents and my partners have about the same finances. My parents decided to skip their spring break trip to donate. My mother-in-law heard about the donation. (we thanked my parents publicly but didn’t specify the amount.) She decided at the next family gathering to ask my parents about it, where she learned the amount and how they afforded that. There was some conversation before I walked over, but this is what I heard my MIL say to my fiancé: “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for your next one.” (My MIL hasn’t ever liked me, she says I’m dramatic. She’s probably right tbh.) My fiancé told her firmly to shut up. My parents looked insulted as well. My mom said she didn’t think it was fair that the brides side (of 6 people, small family), donated more than my fiances side (20 people). I don’t have any grandparents or aunts and uncles left, so my family is smaller. I told them that I love their donation, but my MIL’s side does not need to donate. My MIL responded with a snappy, “I’m not giving up my vacation just because you two are broke.” I got angry, and told her again that I don’t want any money from her. Mid-April, my MIL posts on Facebook about her spontaneous New York 5-day Vacation with other members of my fiancés side of the family."AITA for calling off my wedding until my in-laws stop fighting?"
My parents got very offended, thinking that if they had enough for a spontaneous vacay, why don’t they help pay for the wedding. I think they exaggerated the trip out of spite, but I still kinda agree. BUT at the end of the day it’s their money.
Now it’s May and both sides of the family are posting sassy Facebook posts, messaging inappropriate comments, and some not even talking. I posted on Facebook that we’re putting the wedding off for now.
I posted “We are no longer planning our wedding for October. We want to be married and supported by loving family members, and we all know we’ve been lacking at that recently.
We will replan the wedding at a later date.” I tagged everyone, and now everyone’s mad at me. I tried to stay out of the drama, but seriously- wtf! AITA? What do I do now??
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
YarrowPie
Unfortunately putting the wedding off just multiplied the drama. Do you really think they are all going to behave more in a year? That any of these adults are going to start acting like adults anytime soon? You just signed yourself up to do this all over again. You are NTA.
The parents are acting like ah0l3s. But calling off the wedding didn’t help anything. Sounds like the perfect situation for eloping IMO. They’re all already mad anyways lol. These people need to learn what healthy boundaries are.
KikiMadeCrazy
ESH They are very juvenile. And so was your post. You could have just told them privately without the limelight of social media. I am sure not everybody is talking about it and making it even bigger. You are all so dramatic I love it. Hope pop corn is served on the day.
WaywardMarauder
ESH. The wedding was traditionally paid for by the bride’s family; though nowadays the couple often pays for it themselves, which is what you and your future husband were planning on doing.
Your parents decided to help contribute, which is great, but they don’t get to expect the groom’s family to donate the same/more or even at all. FMIL never should have asked how much your parents contributed or how and your parents shouldn’t have offered that information as it’s nobody’s business but yours and theirs.
They all should have kept their pettiness off of Facebook and if you didn’t want any to add to the drama then you should have as well. Making passive aggressive posts about not having loving and supportive family and tagging them all is only going to make matters worse.
TrainingDearest
NTA, but your mother is fully an AH, and your MIL is a Pain in TA. Your mother can 'gift' whatever she wants, but it's not her right to sit in judgement about what anyone else should be gifting.
That's her opinion; no one is obligated by it; and it should've been kept to herself. Your MIL is not obligated to gift you, and is free to go on vacation and post about it. What she shouldn't be doing is making any more snide comments about your wedding - nor should anyone else be responding similarly.
Sorry that you had to postpone, but both sides of the family are behaving like childish brats, and I can only imagine how bad they will be if you decide to have children! You still have time to get a new identity, elope and disappear to someplace really wonderful, far far away.
extinct_diplodocus
YTA. Why are you punishing your fiancé for the actions of your families? Luckily, you're not marrying his family. You would put off the wedding if you were uncertain that marrying your fiancé was a good idea. Is that really the message you wanted to send?
Delaying the wedding also rewards the in-laws who don't want the marriage to happen They're probably celebrating right now and will do whatever it takes to keep the squabble going. At worst, give your parents the $2K back and elope on the scheduled date.
soxfan581
ESH. The parents need to grow up this isn't a competition, but you 'canceling' the wedding is just adding fuel to the fire and forcing both sides to dig in their heels and blame the other side and tbh it only hurts you and your fiance.
Someone here needs to be mature, I suggest you talk to your side and your fiance talk to their side and if that doesn't do it just elope somewhere and let the focus be on you two which is where it should be.
So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
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